i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
