Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
