Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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