you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
