Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if only i could text you this smell
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize