The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
