i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
