Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I need to sanitize my soul.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
