You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
