He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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