When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize