I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
