Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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