Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
