Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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