If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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