i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
