if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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