so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
