EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
