Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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