3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
