Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I looked at my own cervix.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
