She said her name was "party"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
