yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
