It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
