So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
