He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
