The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I have feelings that need drinking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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