i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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