No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
