We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
