Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
