Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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