When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
