i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
