I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize