so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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