this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize