Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
