Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
