we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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