Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
