im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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