can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
When are your genitals available?
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