Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
