Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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