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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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