I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no, he came in my armpit
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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