...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize