Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
