Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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