No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
