He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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