dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
