I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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