singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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