Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize