you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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