you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize