Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
