All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
