Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
