She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
