Dude my mom stole all your condoms
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
