when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
