So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
