I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
