The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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