My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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