drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
