You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you bring me the toilet please
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
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