Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
