I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize