I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
